Caregiver Coalition Fund of America’s
Family Caregiver Word of the Month
For September 2023
Respect
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Take care, TCB*
From Respect, Aretha Franklin (1967)
In 1967 Aretha Franklin recorded her number one hit: Respect. Respect was originally written and sung by Otis Redding in 1965. According to Wikipedia, Ms. Franklin’s version of the song contained different music and some changes in the lyrics. In 2004 Rolling Stone Magazine listed Respect as fifth on its list of 500 Greatest Songs of All-Time.
Cited above are four famous lines from the song Respect. In these lines Ms. Franklin is asking the man in her life to give her some respect when he gets home. It can be debated as to how Aretha Franklin defined respect in her song. However, one thing is clear; she wanted to be given the respect due to her!
So, what does respect mean to you, a family caregiver? Caregivers may expect, or even demand, to be treated according to some value, but they haven’t operationally defined what the value means to them and their lives. In these situations, how can caregivers know when other people have acted in accordance with the value? Without having defined the value, how can they expect people to treat them in a way consistent with their beliefs about the value? Further, how can caregivers communicate to another person or to a group about how they expect to be treated? The answer to each of these questions is that caregivers can’t. Before they can have any expectations about other people’s behavior, they must have absolute clarity as to what the value means to them. Therefore, the question is repeated, what does respect mean to you – a family caregiver?
Defining what respect means to you, a caregiver, will also help you overcome those instances when you may not treat yourself with respect. Negative thoughts about your abilities to meet the needs of your care-recipient, to meet the many roles you have in your life, and to enjoy the richness that life has to offer may be instances when your thoughts are not aligned with the respect that you deserve from yourself. Further, negative thoughts can, and frequently do, lead to negative actions that may not be aligned with your idea of self-respect. It is important for you as a caregiver to always respect yourself in everything you think, say, and do. Remember, you are unique and your thoughts and actions are unique. The contributions you make to your care-recipient, family, friends, and community are unique, and you deserve the highest respect for all that you do.
Respect is not just about receiving; it is also about giving. And, as a family caregiver, you are already acquainted with giving. Over your caregiver journey, however, you may find yourself not respecting the one person who most depends on you in your day-to-day life – your care-recipient. This lack of respect may include distance caregiving through e-mails, instant messages, and video meetings. Always remember that a real person with feelings will be the recipient of your virtual encounters. As noted by the National Council on Aging, too frequently care-recipients, as well as caregivers, experience social isolation and loneliness. Therefore, before you engage in any form of caregiving, whether it be distance or in-person caregiving, reflect on how you may be perceived by the care-recipient. Put a smile on your face, select words and phrases that the care-recipient will find encouraging and supportive. Remember, it is not the amount of time that you spend with a care-recipient that matters, it is the quality of that time. In this regard, you should remind yourself to abide by the Platinum Rule and treat your care-recipient, and yourself, as the both of you would like to be treated. The process of giving and receiving respect transcends the space and time barrier.
So, take a moment and think about what respect means to you, as a family caregiver, and to your life. Operationally define respect and list strategies that you can use to ensure that you will always give yourself and others the highest degree of respect. Keep in mind the lyrics from Aretha Franklin’s song:
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Take care, TCB*
* TCB – Taking care of business